Weight: 700g (precisely the same as “Souvenir of Nowhere for Everyone”— Stunning synchronicity)
Dimensions: 430mm × 470mm × 55mm (16.9″ × 18.5″ × 2.2″)
Materials: Acrylic on canvas with cotton wool balls, housed in a beautiful wooden frame backed by vintage commercial cardboard
Odour Profile: Slightly feisty due to cardboard cellar maturation
Technique: Painted entirely by foot whilst wearing non-latex vinyl gloves
Entertainment Value: Between 1-7 minutes of sustained amusement, typically averaging 0.2 – 3 minutes of bewildered contemplation.
Survival Rating: Would survive most apocalyptic scenarios if housed in an appropriately sized safe.
Investment Analysis: Dalí-themed artworks have shown consistent market appreciation, even terrible ones. The foot-painting technique adds significant rarity value, as few artists possess both the courage and balance required for this demanding method. The cellar-aged cardboard backing provides unique provenance that cannot be replicated by contemporary forgers.
This incredibly awful painting of the great Surrealist master employs a sophisticated beige and brown colour scheme that would make a nineteenth-century academic weep. Surrounded by thankfully fresh cotton wool balls, this portrait captures none of Dalí’s distinctive features whilst somehow suggesting his presence through sheer incompetence.
The frame, badly fitted but nodding toward the gilt frames of yesteryear, makes this suitable for any front room or indeed toilet. The backing cardboard, having been properly aged in a cellar like fine wine, adds an olfactory dimension that enhances the viewing experience.
If you squint very hard and think about melting clocks, you might glimpse something vaguely Dalí-esque in the swirling beige chaos. More likely, you’ll question your understanding of both art and vision.
