July 23

The cows are grazing outside my cottage window this morning, their minds blissfully unaware of the turmoil in mine. As I watch them, I can’t help but wonder – what secrets lie behind those docile eyes? What hidden depths lurk beneath the surface?

Perhaps I’m projecting¹. You see, I’ve been on a rather intense journey of self-exploration lately. Today I’ll be creating some self-portraits, but not in the traditional sense. No, these will be automatic drawings² – a technique I’ve come to rely on more and more.

It’s fascinating, really. By letting my hand move freely across the paper without conscious direction, I’m essentially creating my own personal Rorschach tests³. Each line, each shape that emerges is a window into my unconscious mind⁴. What will I find there? What truths have been lurking just below the surface, waiting to be revealed?

There’s an urgency to this work that I can’t fully explain. It’s as if I’m searching for something vitally important, though I’m not entirely sure what. All I know is that I must keep digging, keep exploring the depths of my psyche⁵. The answers are there, I’m certain of it. I just have to find the right key to unlock them.

As I prepare my materials, I can’t shake the feeling that these portraits might reveal more than just my inner self. There’s a nagging sense that they could unlock something much bigger, something that could change everything. But perhaps that’s just the artist in me, always searching for greater meaning.

The sun is starting to peek through the clouds now. I take it as a good sign. Time to begin the descent into my unconscious⁴. Wish me luck, dear readers. Who knows what I might discover about myself today?

1. Projecting: In psychology, projection is a defense mechanism where individuals attribute their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or motives to another person¹.
2. Automatic drawings: A technique developed by surrealist artists where the hand is allowed to move ‘randomly’ across the paper without conscious control. The resulting images are thought to reveal the unconscious mind².
3. Rorschach tests: A psychological test in which subjects’ perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. Named after its creator, Swiss psychologist Hermann Rorschach³.
4. Unconscious mind: In Freudian psychology, the part of the mind containing thoughts, memories, and desires that are not consciously accessible but may influence behavior⁴.
5. Psyche: In psychology, the totality of the human mind, conscious and unconscious⁵